Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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