My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
