So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
