Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
time to smoke my breakfast
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
