Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
