just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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