When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
