I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
