Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
