I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
