Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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