Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
