He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
