Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
