I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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