put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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