community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
