I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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