Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
