I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
