I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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