I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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