I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have already put on my inside pants.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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