that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
