So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
