Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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