i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
