and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So squirting runs in the family.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
