did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
