guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
