Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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