Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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