Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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