so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
