Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
