the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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