Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
