He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
