i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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