i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
