this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
