Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
