Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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