Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
