Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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