Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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