my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Who put my cat in the fridge?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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