I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
