i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
