when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
